have you ever left your hometown? have you ever returned? that’s what i’m doing right now, here in san diego. 619. the prodigal daughter returned. it aint easy, but it’s a good lesson in moving on and letting go.
to start new ways you have to stop clinging onto the old. which can suck, horribly. especially when all you’ve ever known is how to hold on, for dear life, to something. even if that something is fear, depression, drama.
i’m like linus letting go of my blanket, cept my blanket isn’t soft and grimy. my blanket is drama, depression, it feels like hunger, like horror, neglect. yet, its familiar, and a sweaty uphill battle to give up. there are few pop culture markers to encourage the battle for health and sustainability in our lives.
our media is surround sound on affirming, feeding, breeding the drama addiction. perez hilton’s vlog fit about getting clocked twice in the eye by black eyed peas’ manager, reality shows about nothing at all but drama, war mongers are all drama. i define drama as the inability to hold oneself, the unfortunate willingness to spill the mirror you never looked in over those around you in cracked, sharp shards.
i define drama as what happens when communication doesn’t. i define drama as a waste of time, greedy for the days of my life, parasite on my imagination, i define drama as a drug that i feel in the pit of my nerves like molten, frigid steel. i don’t even need a needle.
since when did living healthy make you the fish swimming upstream? but here we are, and its a worthwhile upstream battle.
here in san diego, it is time to let go. the home i grew up in looks almost totally different, but it still looks nice. and there’s this one tree that’s grown so much, it has to remember my parent’s green thumbs. the way its shooting into the blue sky and the sunny breeze with all that glossy green. i just know it remembers, something good.
more on the return from va-KAY-shun. 🙂