valentines post #1: on feeling and sex

dear readers,

i gave this talk on sex and love last night at pace university. and the students there had startlingly relevant questions and answers on the topic. how do you know if you’re cheating (answer: if you’re even asking, you’re probably toeing a slim line)? how do you know when it’s time to move on (answer: take your time deciding, but do move on because theirs more on the other side)

temple facade in india: photo by mbs

but most pressing was the idea of separating emotions from sex. folks wondered if they should use casual sex as a way of getting over an ex. someone else asked why sex feels so much more now that they’ve come out as gay. and i have to wonder. how hard do we work to separate the heart from the body before, during, and after casual sex? and isn’t just as much work to figure out how to stay connected, instead?

look, im not knocking casual sex. but i do think that love and sex are historically connected for a reason. because they enhance each other. complement each other. make each other more juicy, more whole.

here goes some love poems, inspired by a chance encounter with casual sex, based on a true story:

this need for your seed
breeds hot in my soil
makes me hurt
makes me open
my shit
is open


they pulse
around you
i think
i found you
and i don’t worry
i’ll lose you
until i do
and that container too
is my favorite color blue


whatever the lilting
breath baby be
on your way
made love that day
and perhaps it was
all game
but that’s not such a shame
albeit rather lame


screw me
fold in 2, 3
together we
weren’t shit
at least we both hit
and that’s it


you show
will be
steady me
downright levy me
against the flood
of love


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