there’s been real buzz around polygamy in the u.s., a hit hbo series called big love, the non-news of charlie sheen’s multiple wives, and an all pervading assumption in the music and sports industry that a wife (especially a hip hop wifey) has got to accept polygamy as her inevitable fate. i don’t agree.
look, if you can do polygamy with a group of people who are all at the helm of their human potential, do you. but what’s true is that the under-educated are far easier to manipulate, and too many women don’t know their own self worth. when polygamy relies on oppression, well, that’s where i just can’t get down with it. and for all the modernity of this era, it is striking how many people are caught up in a self-esteem crushing cycle of polygamy. so here’s a set list for my strivers, if you believe, you can achieve, against all odds.
when queen latifah said, so honestly, “all that i knew was you was all the man i had, and i was scared to let you go, even though you treated me bad,” she was speaking for legions of women who hold on to what drains them.
truthfully, i’ve tasted the kool-aid, i know how it feels to take another person’s love. but trust and believe taking anyone’s man is no longer anywhere on my leadership agenda. i can’t stand to see ladies sink so low they’ll fight for a man who surely undermines, undercuts, undervalues them. like erykah said, “i don’t want him, cause of what he’s doing to you, and you don’t need him, cuz he ain’t ready.”
polygamy can get a lady’s mind twisted, now she wants to believe you want her man. why? because that’s the only little paltry piece of power she has left, thinking she has something other ladies want. my neighbor across the hallway thinks i want her man, and i see him mooching off of her everyday in every way. i don’t like him coveting me, but that ain’t my problem. like santogold says, “now won’t you run and tell your boyfriend, tell him don’t hold his breath for me.”
santogold say’s she’s got her mind made up, she’s a lady. that can be a hard ideal to hold onto. in “gravel”, ani difranco sings about being with a guy who’s trying to juggle women like a “stupid circus clown.” see she just wants to have fun and “leave the luggage of his lies behind,” but of course he hasn’t stopped playing the shit out of her, and soon she’ll be dangerously depressed. imagine if we channeled all this energy into our dreams. we could all be ani’s.
jill scott sings, “slowly, surely, i’ll walk away from confusing love, misusing love,” and guess what ladies and gents, that’s the truth, i’m living proof, and i’m not just talking lovers here, i’m also talking about walking away from any relationships that leave you more confused and abandoned than ever, including from jobs, family, the way you treat yourself most of all.
i guess when he comes to you, with the rugged charm, it’s hard to keep faith, he says don’t push me away like jim jones, but remember mc lyte said, “i’m not having it,” and she meant it, because otherwise how could she stay on top of her game?
more from me later, working on editing my live footage y’all!