Tag Archives: love doctor

love doctor: smile for me

dear readers,

it was a humid grey, gusty cave kinda day from east to west coast. so i hear. but i woke up this morning in good cheer, singing, sun is shining, weather is sweet, makes me wanna move, my dancing feet. made me feel so sunny all day, smiling all the way, i wonder why.

what i want to know is, are you coming back again, it ain’t too late to make it right, just tell yourself the truth and i’ll look beyond the jimmy last night, you was always on my mind like human flight, i just said it to you wrong why go all monster tight, why act like a fan when it’s below you, i will always love you but what do i owe you?

yeah, it’s me, the love doctor.

the love doc in dc

but the only advice the love doctor has today is via a friend who once gave me a song, called smile for me.

i was always giving love advice. even back when i was dotting my i’s with hearts and folding words into notes we passed between periods, they had crisp corners and pull out tags, back then we was all straight, unless and until we was being fags. but acting like you know it all is such a drag. i’m keeping my head up and throwing new opportunities in the bag.

stay core for more,

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on cheating: the love doctor makes a house call from india

dear readers,

my hair is still drying from doing yoga on the roof in the rain, monsoon cleans out the brain, here in ahmedabad the peacocks be calling my name. you can call me the love doctor. you’ve seen me here before. this post is on cheating.

from a umich site, click for original link

being in india means everyone wants to school me on what it means to be indian, they think because i was born and raised in the states, that i know nothing about humara sanskar, our traditions. they don’t realize that traditions are specially preserved in the diasopra. like snapshots, slices of love that last.

no matter where you’re from, if you believe in love, faith is an issue you are bound to encounter. traveling through india, i’ve been staying with mad different couples. i recently stayed with an adorable couple in their late 30’s, who seem happy. but even a few hours with the husband revealed that he cheats chronically. truth be told, he would have fucked me in his own home, wife and kids there and everything, i could see the eager in his pose. made me sick.

this fellow feels a right to play his wife, he has convinced himself that everybody does it, i think he actually believes that he and his wife have an agreement. of course, he’s never had the balls to tell her straight up whats going on. of course, she’s known all along. you could tell by the way she bends him in half with guilt, see the glare off the hilt of her squint, she’s watching him talk to me. his phone is ringing off the hook with abbreviated names: 10 missed calls from “so,” 5 unanswered texts from “r.” along with the names cut in half come spirits severed. mainly, he is cheating himself.

i recently came across a concept: deathlessness. the state of un-decay. the choice to live in every way. only so much time in a day. so why waste it on such hypocrisy. while you are building a barricade of lies around your soul, your body is growing old, your spirit covered with mold. so what are you scared of. what do the lies protect you from? yourself?

when i was a young girl, i had to protect myself, but i didn’t know how. so i dug a moat around the castle of my body, a moat of flesh, fat. my body had decided for me that we would take this measure to protect ourselves. it didn’t work. so now, i’m letting it go. my castle deserves to be seen. plus, i want to be deathless in my life practice. i dont want to hide anymore. i feel like people who cheat are also hiding. they are guided in conscious and unconscious ways by the urges of their body to wrap themselves in lies. meanwhile, they watch their lives pass them by, wondering why their dreams get unzipped like their flies.

im not saying don’t cheat. im not trying to judge. im just saying, if you are hiding and you no longer know why, maybe its time to try something new. like cleaning yourself out from the inside of your soul to the outside of your body. i’m doing it, you can too.

stay tuned for more, from india.

the love doctor

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surrogate love: getting over a break-up, a divorce, or a fake relationship

dear readers,

surrogate love. when inside your soul, within the hours of your life, you are providing a partner like space for another. and that other responds to you like a partner. sometimes. when it’s just the two of you on the phone, its as though you never broke up. when it’s only y’all in the house, she treats you like her man. but neither of you are actually trying to do this. so you keep this relationship type thing surrounding you like a shield, a forcefield reminding you constantly that real love doesn’t exist. and meanwhile, that real love may be finding it hard to penetrate into your world. real love stymied. effective self-sabotage.

under the law a couple is only officially divorced when they are both physically and emotionally separated. that is, first you separate your stuff, split the property (if you’re in a community property state like cali or ny), and then you begin to cut away at the emotional ties. which is harder. way harder. in fact, the reason why people get so caught up in the division of property is because that’s their surrogate for all the emotional entanglement that feels unfathomable in terms of extraction. on the flip side, a lot of us stay entangled emotionally with folks without actually committing, surrendering to the deep sea dive of love.

surrogate love.

an informal poll amongst the homies tells me that surrogate love is alive and well. one dope brother has two women he can’t stop thinking about. both are gorgeous, talented, and totally unavailable, that is, they both are in relationships that they aren’t passionate about, but they also ain’t tryna leave. he feels like both they man. but in reality, he’s single, surrounded by dope women who are actually available. but he’s not open to these women. because that would mean entertaining the possibility that he may truly fall in love. with someone who may truly fall in love with him. surrender is a challenging state.

i have some experience with surrogate love. talking on the phone with my ex like every day. being there for each other in our times of real crises. but not really being there for each other in public. no commitment, except to a general idea of friendship, and to the covert continuation of our partnership in emotional ties and patterns of deep and confusing flirtation.

what am i scared of?

really shedding the emotional ties with a former partner feels like taking off the pads in a game of tackle football. except the game has changed. its flag football. and i’m out there wearing my helmet and pads. i’m on a bright green field, we got refs with stripes and whistles, the winter air is sun charged and crisp. and i’m not the only one who has suited up all wrong for the game. but i’m going to be one of the first to acknowledge it. and take off these pads. take off this helmet. i’ve got all the armor i need in my ability to be flexible and proven strength. i believe what is before my eyes. the game has changed.

are you a surrogate lover for someone else too frightened to let go? do you use someone else as a surrogate love, surrounding yourself with a shield to “protect” you from what may be true, about love and surrender? holler at me. let’s talk.


the love doctor

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